Bad Day

Have you ever read the book called Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day well if you haven't you should. However it doesn't matter the name sums it up, everyone has had one of these days.

Today was Kaylee and terrible, horrible, no good, very bad half day I only say half day because at this moment I'm picking myself "up by the boot strap" as my grandpa would say. This morning started off terrible. Do you ever just get that inkling feeling in the pit of your stomach that just says, "Yea this isn't going to be a good day," right as you wake up? I woke feeling like that, and when I got to school it didn't get better.

As I'm walking I'm listening to Staind (one of my favorite bands) feeling the chill of the morning competing with the warmth of the sun. Then suddenly I just feel sick all over I try shrugging it off but then realize its my mind really reminding of something important. My feed/feedstuff worksheet is due tomorrow and I didn't finish, I need to call three companies and just get 2 pricings. Sounds easy enough right? WRONG!! I tried three and they all failed. I panicked.

To go to Bio or to go home and figure this out? Well lets see...My brain kicks in saying Well Kaylee you just totally bombed your last test what do you think you should do? However it seems like both hemispheres of my brain are working and have different opinons because the other side says, Dude if you don't get this done by 11 tomorrow you'll be screwed and get a big fat ZERO on your homework.

At this moment I realize that I'm not doing so well in all my classes as I should. It hits me like a semi truck....I'm failing.

I feel so low at this moment I just want to quit and go home and cry. This is where I call my mom and tell her everything and you know what she says? She says, Mija you can do it, if you can't do it just keep talking to your professor to help you, Don't worry. Get through this week then it'll be break and you'll feel better. Love you.

Times like these I'm so happy to have a mom like her to help push me. Thanks mom for everything. and Thanks to my friends who were concerned.

Break?

I have no idea what I should do for break. I thought I did, but now I'm not sure. The only sure thing I know of is the beach. What I really really want to do is go dive. I admit though I'm alittle afraid I haven't been in a while and lets just say I think I'm a little rusty. The only scary part is submerging and seeing if i can keep my self down and keep calm for the first 5 minutes. After that it's like being in a different world. I admit my first few dives weren't the best in the world but I'm determined to get my next where i can get great visibility.

I need to get my dive buddy up and go for a swim.

For Some Reason (Dreams)

O.K. to be honest I have some of the weirdest dreams and everyone always asks the same thing, "What are you eating before bed?!" Absolutely nothing.

I'm jet skiing out on the ocean I have no idea who's driving i just know I'm up and looking around. It's dark, overcast outside, I see a sign and for some reason it says Anacapa Island. I hear myself say Why the hell am I on Anacapa?! Suddenly I'm thrown off swimming to the deck or what looks like a deck. I climb aboard and find that it leads right into a big cave looking thing surrounded by huge green tropical mountains, Am I really on Anacapa? Looking down there are holes in the cave that go to the ocean that's underneath us for some reason. While I'm looking down I can see scuba divers through the clear blue-green water, I see the bubbles coming from their regulators up to the surface of where I am. Then out of nowhere some guy comes up and starts throwing sticks into the water, "What the hell are you doing man there are divers down their!" He just shrugs and walks away. Here's where it gets really weird.

Out of nowhere this cave that I'm in keeps going and where it should be more pitch blackness no it turns into a gigantic Cabellas (Sports Authority, Big 5) sporting goods store all geared towards ocean act ivies, mostly Diving. I'm looking around and for some reason my dad and brother show up and I'm asking "why are we here? why am I here? " My dad says that we are going scuba diving, Whooo great this is going to be f..... wait a minute. "Dad you and Angel don't know how too scuba dive," he just says "You can teach us." Right sure okay. I guess we are in this big store that's in a cave to get our gear. This dream is getting out of control. Angel begins walking around grabbing a black hood (the hood is the part that covers your head in cold waters) and I for some reason look at a neon green hood and I'm thinking I want this one but I don't want to stand out if there is a shark in the water but the waters aren't even cold enough for it. I start telling my dead we need regulators (the piece that allows you to breath), and BCDs (Buoyancy Compensators Devices), fins, goggles, AIR TANKS. My dad's like no we don't need all that, don't worry about. At first I'm okay. WAIT WE NEED THOSE THINGS TO BREATH!! OHHHH well... we go to the cash register with stuff that we're diving with (I still don't know how we'll breath haha) and then it gets a little more weird.

As we are getting ringed up I'm thinking well I guess this is better than going to Catalina by myself and cheaper (NOT!!) and a lot more fun. And for some reason Angel is flirting with the cashier girl and helping her ring us up. Seriously this guy is behind the counter and taping on the register flirting all the way all the while he's saying, "I'm a manager at my work I know how to do this." Dude you're a manager at a pizza restaurant what are you talking about?! You're a pizza guy step away from the register. Well my dad ends up showing me the bill and for some reason, he's really excited about it being $500. I don't know why I wasn't. Keep in mind that's about maybe alil less of what it would cost for just me in reality, but for 3 people that's amazingly unbelievable then again we are scuba diving without BCD's and regulators hence this is a dream.

Abnormally Cold

I am so cold that my breath comes out as frost.
I thought I left from the cold to the warmth but,
I'm beginning to see that's just not the case.
Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's all a trick.
Then again maybe it's because I'm getting sick.

Try and think of warm thoughts. Thoughts of
big fuzzy blankets, hot tea, being bundled up
feeling all comfy. Okay I think I'm losing feeling
to my feet. I think they are becoming ice blocks.
Maybe I'm just exaggerating. Maybe I should wear
double socks. Then again maybe I should consider ice skating.

Leaving this room should be a good idea right?
Guess not, not if I know I'm going to another just
as cold or colder. I might be so cold to consider not
going to class. No, not true. As much as I'd like to be
warm and dreaming I'm afraid I'll just have to keep on freezing.

Nothing important

And you, you walk away as if you have nothing left to say. Yet here I am feeling alone in every which way. I am fighting against the current, fighting just to breath in this vast sea of emptiness you had to choose to leave....

Food for thought....time to think this one through.

Ramblings to no one

While playing a card game with my friend (I was losing horribly) she decided to make fun of how badly I was playing though I think it's all sheer luck when it comes to playing twenty-one. We were really just rambling out random things and I'm not sure how we came to this conclusion but once she said it we couldn't stop laughing. Julie randomly said, "It's like a vast sea of emptiness!" "Really Julie? That could be such a harsh comment to someone, though it come close to badly I'm losing" I said as I was contemplating the true depth of her statement. We kept laughing until we realized when we have a lot of sugar and play cards we seem to say some very deep stuff that normally people would say all seriously, but we say it laughing at each other. Hmm...vast sea of emptiness...and now when all the games and laughter are said and down I sit and ponder on these few words. I think I might use these words in something, maybe a song I'm not sure yet.

Out of Touch

Literally...I'm back "home" and i feel as if a part of me is missing. What a I missing? Have no idea. It's almost like I'm walking...walking in fog , but I'm not scared just curious. "Curiosity killed the cat you know," my conscious asks. This is true, but Satisfaction brought it back. And that's my plan. Figure out what I'm missing and go after it....maybe it'll work.